UncagedUnkemptUnhingedLikeJen Pt 315

Hi Jen


Here’s installment #1 of her first video from an anonymous little birdie


"Hello, this is exciting. I had no plans to do this today. I was just driving around in my car, went to the dentist." [shows her dentist goodie bag and then goes on about how she reuses those pouches and how her dentist has told her for 20 years to never ever ever not use an electric toothbrush so she uses one. I'm so impressed with my 2/3 of a latte so far. /s]
[is wearing that freaking UP sweatshirt]

- went to Whole Foods [shows yellow WF shopping bag]
- had a lot of thoughts on her way home from WF
- filmed on March 9th, a week before launch although she admits she "hopes" she will go through with the launch
- SO EXCITED about this Patreon launch [doesn't really look excited, sitting in front of her fridge, but she tries to nervous-l
- this will have less structure than her YouTube (LOL)
- craft stuff, cooking stuff (kill me already, her cooking and crafting are craptastic)
- oh great, she will be "chatting with you, that's more vulnerable in many ways" (no, please god, no)
- "And then I was thinking how freaking needy I feel today. And this week. And just generally. It's like some need inside of me is not being met." (yah, we know, Jen) (the real thing, huh? hehe)
- "The world is in crisis. We've been in crisis full-on for a while now. And now there's a war. And there's war-like behaviors. In like non-war countries. It's scary." (diplomat Gene is here, woohoo)
- touches her hair lengths a few times (yep, she's Tens-ifying herself hair-wise)
- "Our nervous systems are not designed to handle the influx of bad news that we're getting." (diplomat Jen is definitely not doctor Jen)
- her nervous system's feeling ragged and she admits to doing a lot of working out in the gym so she followed someone's advice to try holy basil and *googles the term to figure out the spelling* ashwagandha (wtf Jen, I'm so over your woo-woo bullshit) to balance her nervous system (Don dollars going down the drain) (it's from Organic India for those keeping track of her spending)
- shows her facial mist which is the Heritage Store Rosewater & Glycerin mist which she puts on her face in the morning after splashing some water on it and before she, later in the morning, actually washes her face (yum)
- asks us if we can hear Winnie grumbling (nope, not drinking from the hamster bottle to communicate her discontent with Jen's incessant monologue for once - even the mop is more original than Jen)
- shows us her haul from Whole Foods (this is the part where I should mention she first said she ran into WF for one thing, the will-do-nothing-to-her-nervous-system tea): the holy tea of course, that facial mist, smoked paprika ("My favorite spice of all time!" - insert gif of me rolling my eyes right into the ceiling), her favorite Gomacro protein bars "because who can be bothered to cook when they're feeling needy? *that nervous stupid laugh she does*" and Annie's honey graham crackers which she mentions she did not buy for her children (no shit) but they're welcome to have them if they want (uh-huh, sure) (she says this while picking at her chin)
- "Tell me this isn't the haul of somepne's inner child who needs some comforting. Right? *more nervous laughter* (it definitely isn't what my inner child would buy for some comforting) (seriously, whose inner child would buy holy basil and *checks spelling again* ashwagandha tea?)
- she also got herself a bagel from a bagel place near the dentist's place (you can't make this up) because "I love bagels but I don't like think to buy them very often. They're not huge on my radar. I find that whenever I like am craving a bagel, it's because I need the ultimate carb. And again, coming from a place of like I need a little extra love." [shows off bagel to the camera] (ok, first of all, this girl is always on a carb high but also, damn Jen, needing love means you need more carbs? no wonder you're always eating carbs... they aren't love just like the holy basil ashnanana tea isn't going to balance your nervous system but also, involuntary BAKERY SHOUTOUT, bring it in, ladies!)
- she also got her favorite Starbucks drink of the moment (wait for it)... A MOTHERFUCKING CHAI LATTE WITH OAT MILK! (Jen, you fucking troll, making others sacrifice their chai latte so you can get yours, seriously, never ever think you have any future, no matter how stupidly small, in advertising. What a slap to your freshly gained Patreon's collective face)

I know it’s likely already been said, but I have a life UnlikeJen and so I haven’t been able to catch up.

There’s something so incredibly pompous and (devoid of a grounding in reality) about a wealthy woman charging the audience who has supported her for over a decade… for the very same type of content which built said audience (and then deleted that content in it’s entirety during a hissy fit during which she berated that very same audience for asking her to continue to vlog/organize vs. her travel/planner crap).

So, now we all get her shitty content (the stuff she claims to love making and says is her true calling), and she’s charging people for the content that she’s clearly stated she no longer feels called to share/create anymore. Does she seriously not see how gross she is? She’s legitimately ONLY creating this Patreon content to capitalize on the audience who her “career” was built on (most of whom are 99% and not wealthy), as though they haven’t already given her enough support over the years. Now her rich ass wants them to spend their money (during a time of economic uncertainty) to watch the content that she took away from them during a tantrum? Fuuuuuck this cow.

People can’t afford gas or to feed themselves, Jennifer. You spent, like, 80k last year on useless shit and you didn’t have to lift a finger to pay for any of it. You’re a cunt.