-
.At what age in Illinois are kids granted the choice?
18.
Kids in IL can state a preference, the judge will take it under consideration along with their maturity and whether they’ve been influenced by a parent.
https://gitlinlawfirm.com/family-law/child...dy-of-children/
I think its more likely Charlotte will start refusing to go and Don and Jen will just go along with it because they’re both so conflict averse.. -
.
I think Jin is making (one of many) parenting mistakes.
She thinks that leaving them alone allows them to develop their own creativity. Maybe. But she deals in absolutes way too much. Especially if it’s something she “read”.
If you are too involved in your kids play as a toddler, yes, they might want you to direct their play each time and not learn to entertain themselves.
She’s under this delusion that because SHE was neglected and left alone while mommy and daddy gravy went on trips and she had to entertain herself all the time, that it’s healthy and she’s happy they did that! Now she can be in her own head all the time and (collect things to fill a void). She thinks she is the product of amazing parenting because she thinks SHE is so amazing.
My father was an absent parent too. Mostly because my mom passed when I was super young. Yes, I learned to entertain myself and my sisters and I played together. But I don’t have many memories of either parent playing with me. And because of this loss and my dad not being involved, as an adult I have this overwhelming need for affection and I can’t ever seem to get enough of it.
She needs to understand that there is a balance she needs to take. She needs to be involved in her kids lives so they feel secure and happy and not have feelings like I do as an adult. They will still learn to play individually, and have imaginations, but they also need to build a relationship with her, because that builds trust and security.
She really is a mental case. Her parents were not good parents. And she’s not trying to break the cycle because she thinks she turned out so amazing.
Those poor kids. I really really hope they are getting their emotional support from their real family.. -
.
The reason she doesn't take them anywhere is because she's selfish. Taking them out would involve going somewhere she doesn't want to go for their benefit, and she'd have to manage them and their behaviour while they were out (like any parent does). Jen doesn't want to do that so she doesn't - she does exercise instead because that's what SHE wants to do. I think it's that simple. . -
.
Grace and Theo probably have sleepovers at Don and Tens'. Then all 7 of them can enjoy the pool.
Tens' ex probably joins in too, since he is an adult and is sensible about sharing his children with Don.. -
.
Well, Jen is boring.
I'm still working on an updated divorce timeline, but it's so big that it's getting hard to edit and slowing me down. So I'm going to post it in three parts. This is the first.
SPOILER (click to view)Those Happy, Golden Years:
Early Relationship Through the Birth of Charlotte
(2001-2015)
Reminder: you can replace "youtube.com" with "yewtu.be" if you don't want to give her views/don't have an adblocker.
2001
Spring: Don and Jen graduate from high school as acquaintances.
Summer: Don starts working as an intern at Getco, a High-Frequency Trading (HFT) firm co-founded by his cousin. His dad already works there and will be named CEO the next year, before being pushed out in 2005.
Fall: Don defers university to work full-time at Getco ("Couple's Q&A (Summer 2014)"). Jen attends NYU where she experiences 9/11.
2002
Summer: Don and Jen start spending more time together. Their HS friend groups merged and Don has his own apartment making it the default gathering spot.
Fall: Jen transfers to UMass Amherst. Don starts at Northwestern, continuing to work part-time during the school year and full-time over summers ("Vlogust 2012, Day 8: Chat with Don & Park City Date").
Oct 12-14: D+J’s first date. They spend Columbus Day weekend together in NYC. ("Couple's Q&A")
Dec: Don already wants to get engaged. Instead he gives Jen a jar filled with the reasons he loves her. This is how she later described it: “We’d only been together a few months…we like fell in love immediately. It was like instantaneous…once we started dating it was like, immediately, down the rabbit hole, love, you’re it forever, nobody else.”
2004
April: D+J engaged
This is the year Don takes Jen to Disney World for the first time.
2005
Sep 10: D+J marry. They chose the date to reclaim 9/11.
2006ish
Updates her MySpace so she can “highly recommend marriage” to the poors from HS and college who don’t talk to her anymore.
This is the year Poopsie joins PDQ as CEO.
2007
May 29: D+J overpay for RM1 ($1.6m).
After they move in, Jen spends $10k+ on eBay within a couple months: American Girl, Disney, Boyd's Bears, etc.
2010
Jul 21: First YouTube video: “Organization 101: To-Do Lists, Part 1” - Jen had gone off birth control to maybe start trying for a baby (her story changes on this - were they trying or was she testing the hormonal waters?); her skin broke out and she started watching YouTube to learn how to use makeup. She was inspired by Elle Fowler to create her own channel.
Sep: D+J journey to Bora Bora for their 5th wedding anniversary. REMEMBER THIS.
2011
Christmas Card:
2012
Jan 28: Jen turns 29. She gets a cake with “five candles because I turn five every year”. Don buys Jen a children’s book about a hedgehog who’s desperate to be a father.
Jen: “Be careful what you wish for.”
Feb 24: Disney Princess Half Marathon, the trip that birthed a thousand memes: Jen doesn’t share the hash brown, “the view doesn’t matter”, the in-room Princess Package, etc.
Mar: Don leaves Getco “amicably”. He joins Poopsie’s company, Advisor Exchange, which Poopsie founded in 2005 after being removed as CEO at Getco. ("Vlogust 2012, Day 8: Chat with Don & Park City Date").
May 12: Jen claims to work 40+ hours/week as a housewife. ("Jen Checks In: Life is Good")
Nov 21: Don comes home to peel apples ("Vlogidays 2012 (November 21): Bake, Bake, Bake").
Dec 24: Don reads The Night Before Christmas to Jen every year.
2013
Spring: Commence Conception Journey. Don will later say it was like a switch flipped in Jen.
Her periods have always been irregular so she believes it will take a while ("I'm Pregnant! | Preconception Journey & First Trimester Recap").
April-July: Don’s YT “career”. Gives up when viewers don’t lap up his bullshit.
May
Jen starts “researching” “alternative” fertility treatments ("I'm Pregnant!").
8: Somebody creates a YT channel called TheMommyBeeBuzz.
15: Don gets drunk, films himself Jenfending.
20: Birth of the First Ross Grandchild. Suze makes the announcement via email.
26: Don describes himself as "retired" in a friend's wedding program (tongue in cheek, I'm sure. Or am I?)
Mid-September: Jen starts seeing an acupuncturist for fertility treatment - plans to stick with it for a year before involving conventional medicine. ("I'm Pregnant!")
Sep 18: Tosh.0 airs
October
1: Jen starts drinking “shag carpet” herbs ("Back To Togetherness! (Vlogtober / October 1, 2013)").
4-8: Last solo trip to Utah (there’s been lots of speculation about this - see my thoughts on Oct 21)
16: Don gets drunk and argues with viewers in YT comments, making it clear that he brings home the bacon and, in exchange, Jen keeps him satisfied: “Some parts of a marriage are not appropriate for YouTube...that's pretty simple thinking isn't it Darla??” and "If I wanted Jen to cook for me, she would."
21: Don joins a NC company as a “Strategic Product Manager”. His first and only non-family job. He’s mostly WFH. (IMO from this point there’d be no reason for Don not to join Jen in Utah. They both “work” from home, and this hedgehog is desperate to be a father.)
Viewers notice a general dip in Jen’s mood and productivity. There's speculation about their finances because they seem to be cutting back on spending.
Dec 1: "Best dog ever, best husband ever, and like, best house ever.” ("Wait For It... (Vlogidays / December 1, 2013)")
2014
“The Year of Travel” (though I’ve only included highlights)
Early 2014: “the poop hits the fan” ("Trip Recap: The Phoenician, Arizona"), largely believed to be related to HFT.
“Personal losses” = Jen + her acupuncturist’s belief that fertilized eggs didn’t implant, perhaps. ("I'm Pregnant!").
Whatever financial issues they might have been facing are over.
March
7-9: Couple's trip to AZ ("Trip Recap: The Phoenician")
30-2: Solo trip to Miravel ("Miraval (Travel Vlog / March 30 - April 2, 2014)")
Apr 9: Don surprises her with a LV Speedy when she gets home from acupuncture
Aug 25: Don does the ice bucket challenge for Jen.
Sep: D+J do Italy
Late fall: Jen finally sees a fertility specialist
The happy couple's holiday card:
December
3: Parking Lot Meltdown
Just before Christmas: Jen diagnosed with uterine polyps. No wonder those pesky eggs weren’t implanting 🙃 ("I'm Pregnant!")
25: Jen rejects Don's Sephora gift (video lost, I think)
2015
Jan: Don leaves his NC job and joins PDQ, where his daddy is CEO, as an “Execution Quality Specialist” (the NC company goes under the next year, but that’s another post.)
Fam Jam is in Utah, a convenient excuse for Jen to delay uterine surgery.
Early March: surgery to remove polyps ("I'm Pregnant!")
Apr 19: Charlotte CONCEIVED ("Pregnancy Journal | Van der Spek Nomad")
I considered using her cycle chart (see below) to mark every day they had sex this month, but ultimately decided to spare you.
May
4: Jen's positive pregnancy test
7: Don’s first back surgery: "…my week was consumed by my husband, Don’s decision to have back surgery. This wasn’t something he had planned on or even considered before last Tuesday." (from her blog)
19: Jen throws out her back; GG assumes it’s a response to Don’s surgery. As it turns out, it's the day of Jen’s first ultrasound ("I'm Pregnant!")
July
2: Jen launches "Pretty Neat Living". Leaves for vacation the next day after posting zero rebranded content.
14: Announces pregnancy to viewers. (Did either of the kids ever wear those ugly crocheted booties??) ("I'm Pregnant!")
August
10: GG is horrified by the number of hearts in Jen's cycle chart.
24: "Couple's Q&A | First Half of Pregnancy" So awkward. Don expects work to be low-effort for the next several years.
They do not film a Q&A for the second half of her pregnancy.
Oct 28: todo: "love the baby"
Dec 28: Charlotte is born.. -
.
She said they are going to museums and all sorts of places while she has the kids. But don’t places like that close early, some have summer hours. So depending on the SK schedule and her own training in the middle of the day, I don’t buy how she could actually take them anywhere. . -
.On day camp topic…
For kids bouncing between two vastly different houses the school year provides continuity they desperately need… when mom/dad parent, discipline, cook, support, entertain, teach etc differently that is hard…. Different household members, pets, routines…
school has the much needed stabilizing “same” regardless of home with mom or dad that day… same schedule and routine, teacher, classmates, rules, etc…
So school year being over was always incredibly hard for my step kid who bounced between two night and day houses… summers were brutal… so having parents agree on a camp (especially at a familiar facility) isn’t horrible….
Plus in person exchanges with parents who don’t get along great (or a bio mom who pretends step mom doesn’t exist) makes the kids feel weird… having a camp as that buffer is actually helpful too - the transition is less sharp between two vastly different worlds…
So this one thing I actually think is ok for those kids given their life circumstances… doesn’t mean they are going every week or for a full day when they are home with dad+T
I agree 100%!. -
.I think Jin is making (one of many) parenting mistakes.
She thinks that leaving them alone allows them to develop their own creativity. Maybe. But she deals in absolutes way too much. Especially if it’s something she “read”.
If you are too involved in your kids play as a toddler, yes, they might want you to direct their play each time and not learn to entertain themselves.
She’s under this delusion that because SHE was neglected and left alone while mommy and daddy gravy went on trips and she had to entertain herself all the time, that it’s healthy and she’s happy they did that! Now she can be in her own head all the time and (collect things to fill a void). She thinks she is the product of amazing parenting because she thinks SHE is so amazing.
My father was an absent parent too. Mostly because my mom passed when I was super young. Yes, I learned to entertain myself and my sisters and I played together. But I don’t have many memories of either parent playing with me. And because of this loss and my dad not being involved, as an adult I have this overwhelming need for affection and I can’t ever seem to get enough of it.
She needs to understand that there is a balance she needs to take. She needs to be involved in her kids lives so they feel secure and happy and not have feelings like I do as an adult. They will still learn to play individually, and have imaginations, but they also need to build a relationship with her, because that builds trust and security.
She really is a mental case. Her parents were not good parents. And she’s not trying to break the cycle because she thinks she turned out so amazing.
Those poor kids. I really really hope they are getting their emotional support from their real family.
NoLongerAvailable Having lost my mother at 3, I can completely relate to what you're saying and the need for affection. So, I am sending you mine.
. -
.
Divorce timeline is incredible work!!! Thank you for your service!
And I spy an actual happy momma bear doing happy momma bear stuff in the Chicago suburbs.
Edited by D**'sGlowUp - 6/13/2023, 04:26 PM. -
.
Thank you WhereDoesDaddySleep!
. -
.Divorce timeline is incredible work!!! Thank you for your service!
And I spy an actual happy momma bear doing happy momma bear stuff in the Chicago suburbs.
An amazing timeline! Looking forward to the other installments.
And yes, that momma bear is glowing!. -
.I just hate her and I hate the anger she brings out in me when I watch this shit. She talks about her kids the way she thinks she needs to talk about them - I’m complete when they are with me, I can’t function without them, etc. she’s reciting things I’m sure she has heard from God knows who. She travels all the time to get away from them!
^THIS, as Jinny would say.
She knows that she’s *supposed* to love spending time with her kids, but she can’t pull it off. I get that kids aren’t for everyone, but once you’ve brought them into this world, you don’t get to opt out. An adult conversation with D** should have gone something like this before she got into her fertility journey, “I really thought that I wanted to be a mother when I was a child, but now, I just don’t think that I’m cut out for it. I understand that we both planned to have children when we got married, but I’ve grown up and changed a lot since then and just can’t see it. I’m so sorry.” Maybe sweet boy would have run at that point, and I’m sure she did that calculation before going along with it, hoping that motherhood would grow on her once she had a baby. I’ll never believe that she wanted two children, though — NEVER.
A tiny part of me feels sorry for her because she’s such a lost soul and worthless person, but then I remember what an asshole she is and get over that feeling.. -
.
Wow that divorce recap was quiet the read. I had no idea about TheMommyBeeBuzz channel that she created. Ans I did also notice that right before conception Jennifer was not herself and looking back now, she really did not want those kids.
Thank you for posting and can’t wait for part two!. -
.Divorce timeline is incredible work!!! Thank you for your service!
And I spy an actual happy momma bear doing happy momma bear stuff in the Chicago suburbs.
Muahahhaha I did a double-take at the top T is wearing.SPOILER (click to view)Not the same top BUT STILL.
Jen should ask T to take her shopping
QUOTE (WhereDoesDaddySleep @ 6/7/2023, 02:55 PM)
. -
.
Such dedication and meticulous attention to detail. Thank you! .
LookingGrimyAndGreasyInTheBigEasyLikeJen Pt. 408 |
